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Friday, 23 August 2013

Ramblings from Malaysia: So When Are You Getting Married?


Eid ul-Fitr, the day of celebration among Muslims to mark the end of the fasting month of Ramadan, has come and gone. This year, the day fell on Thursday 8th August 2013. While in most other countries the day is celebrated only for a day or two, in Malaysia, by tradition, Hari Raya (as Eid ul-Fitr is known here) lasts for 1 month, the whole month of Shawal that follows right after Ramadan.


Religious festivities in Malaysia tend to involve not just family, but also relatives (close and distant) and friends (including colleagues). Hari Raya in particular is synonymous to travelling back to one’s own hometown to be with parents, families and old friends. It’s that time of the year when people get together to catch up with each other’s updates, strengthening the ties and… eat like there’s no tomorrow! Unfortunately it’s also the time of the year when almost everyone you know would ask you those life’s milestones questions. You know, questions like if you’re still single, it’s “When are you going to get married?” If you’re already married but yet to have any child, it’s “When are you having kids?” If you already have a child or two, it’s “When is the next one coming along?”

There are of course some less intrusive questions too. If you have just started working or working at some big company or somewhere overseas, it’s “Where do you work?” This is usually followed by a statement or (for dramatic effect,) an exclamation, “Ooh! My son/nephew/niece/relative/father-in-law/grandfather/my ex’s sister-in-law’s husband’s uncle’s wife’s nephew works there too!” once they get the answer.

If you notice, these questions obviously follow certain expectations as we progress through ("normal") life. School, university, work, girlfriend/boyfriend, marriage, kids, kids’ school, etc. Okay, maybe not necessarily strictly in that order. Anyways, some just ask out of curiosity, some out of concern. Some, just as a way to stay up-to-date about you. And some, in the case of those who ask “When are you going to get married?” might have a more mischievous intention of trying to match make you with someone they know.

Intrusive or not, it has almost become a norm year in year out to be asked these kind of questions. And it has also become a norm to read about the frustrations and annoyance of those being asked these types of questions via their status updates on Facebook, Twitter and even in Whatsapp groups. Some might take it hard (“Just because I’m still single it doesn’t mean that I’m not happy!” - Oh snap! Heh heh!) Some still can make a joke out of it (“Tomorrow, if it doesn’t rain.” - Eh?!) Some even dread travelling back to their hometown for the festivity because of these questions. It is sad because Hari Raya is supposed to be a day (or a month as it happens to be the case in Malaysia) of celebration with family and friends. As for me, I try to take the questions lightly. Sometimes I’d just reply with a question, “Soon. Now I’m looking for some sponsors for the reception ceremony. Would you like to be one?” :-)

A few years ago there was a set of pantun (Malay poems) going around via emails. The pantun (writer unknown) was about the very hard hitting question “When are you going to get married?” I found it to be very funny so much so I’d came up with something similar (albeit not as funny maybe) in English and shared it with my family & friends on Facebook then. And now, I’m going to share it with you guys. *gulps*

So when are you getting married?

So when are you getting married?
People over here are asking
People over there are enquiring
Doesn’t matter if it’s from a friend or a family
That’s what us singles are asked almost daily

So when are you getting married?
The family apparently is getting worried
For the son, the mummy is busy playing cupid
While the daddy prays hard not have a spinster, come what may
The siblings? Oh well, they just hope that you aren’t gay (:-p) 

So when are you getting married?
Even the neighbours are joining the chorus
Some even bring a photo album just to help us 
Oh yes, God, please do help us
Keep us away from these ever-so-helpful neighbours!

So when are you getting married?
Oh man! So I’m being asked again!
Whom I’m supposed to marry?
When the candidates are so many? (Just kidding!) 
When the suitable ones, urm... ouch! There isn’t any?

So when are you getting married?
Sure, I’ll get married right away
If choosing a wife is as easy
as a kid learning ABC
or like when one buys a pirated DVD

So when are you getting married?
Really the question is a bore
Like anybody is keeping a score
But obviously some of them do
Like who’s the latest to get wife number two

So when are you getting married?
For us singles, just let them be
If it’s fated to be, then it’s fated to be
So no need to worry, what more to feel sorry
If you’re as happy as anyone can be

So when are you getting married?
For those who keep pestering
Let’s do with less of questioning
Please don’t be such a busybody
Just go and take care of your own family (heh heh!)

Oh yeah...
So when are you getting married?

- - - - -
RaW
Kuala Terengganu, Malaysia
29-09-09
- - - - -

To all who are in a similar position, stay strong, guys! Ha ha! I hope no one has gone as far as retorting with “So when are you going to die?” despite the possibility that that could be the questioner’s next life’s milestone. ;-)

Eid Mubarak & Selamat Hari Raya!




For other 'Ramblings' entries, click here.


44 comments:

Comments and feedback are always appreciated. So do leave one or two if you have the time. Thank you!

  1. so Sir, when are u getting married? ;p we are not getting any younger. hiks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Soon. I'm looking for sponsors now. Would you like to be one, Mr. Fox? :-)

      Delete
    2. why need sponsorship? i think u're rich enough to hv a such a memorable weddings. got more one "S" overthere. ahaks. ;p

      Delete
    3. Need a big budget for Masjid Besi, lol.

      Btw, "got more one "s""? Apa tu?

      Delete
    4. Anonymous16 July, 2015

      Kawen penuhkan quota 4 haha

      Delete
  2. Setuju sangat.. :P
    soalan yang paling benci bila di tanya hahahaa..

    That y.. need to keep as traveller all the time.. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cakap je tengah travel sambil mencari dekat oversea... Hahaha! ;-)

      Delete
    2. that right.. but did you know what my auntie told me..
      " travel satu dunia, balik2 kawen ngan orang Malaysia jugak.. Baik tak payah.." that betul2 mencabar hahaha.. :P

      Delete
    3. Wow! You should take that as a challenge, man... Hahaha! I wish you all the very best of luck! :-)

      Delete
    4. thansk bro.. i will maybe hahaha..
      u to.. wish u the best to :D

      Delete
    5. Ahem! Kiranya cabaran tak bersahut la ni, eh? Haha! Ataupun simpan utk spot no. 2, 3 atau 4? Hehe ;)

      Delete
  3. The pantun is nice & smart! ^^

    Selamat Hari Raya, bro!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terima kasih, bro! Selamat Hari Lebaran juga. Where did you celebrate it?

      Delete
  4. HAHAHAhAh.. typical questions during festival.
    Once a friend told me his sarcastic way of answering these typical questions.
    Elder: Where is your girlfriend?
    Guy: She go back hometown
    Elder: so when are you getting married?
    Guy: oohh I plan to break up with her soon.
    Elder: ........

    The truth is he did not even have a girlfriend.
    For joke purpose only.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! That's a good one. Sometimes it can be a good idea to just play along rather than get stressed out about it, right? :-)

      Delete
    2. Lerler chan. .such a brilliant idea.thanks for sharing. Im gonna to use it..ha hq

      Delete
  5. okeyyy..LIKE that pantun..haha

    I think this kind of question is more sensitive to women rather than man, betul tak?
    percayalah...dah beberapa tahun merasainya hahahaha. dulu agak terasa, bila dah makin bertambah umur, dah tak kisah lagi dah pun :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "dah beberapa tahun merasainya" <--- satu luahan perasaan ke tu? ;-) Lol!

      Ya lah, I would think so too. Kan perempuan lebih sensitif daripada lelaki? *batuk batuk* Tapi betul tu, makin lama makin lali dah dgn soalan2 camni... :-)

      Delete
    2. statement la..bukan luahan perasaan haha...:-P

      Delete
  6. Since i'm married, the most frequent question that i got - when are you going to get pregnant? Ermm. Xtau mcm mana nak jawab.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tu la... The questions are never ending but I believe that question is probably the worst, boleh menyentap kalbu. Teruskan usaha dan doa, my friend. Insha Allah one day soon.

      Delete
  7. kapannnnnn kawiiiiinn....???!!! kwa..ka..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sedang tunggu Aaron Aziz 2 dari Indonesia kahwin dulu, mas... ;-)

      Delete
  8. RaW,

    Balas dapat hadiah dak?

    So when are you getting married?
    Are you asking me?
    Or reminding yourself, dearie?
    Or just sharing
    Since sharing IS caring

    So when are you getting married?
    Are you looking out for me?
    Or looking one for me?
    (Deleted this line cos it's too cheesy
    Stating it will be extremely silly)

    So when are you getting married?
    Why can't we talk about the weather
    Or the health of your father/mother
    Tanyalah soalan lain brader
    UNLESS you have a pretty daughter/sister

    So when are you getting married?
    If I reply pantun ni
    Dapat duit raya tak Abang Rxxx-i
    Untuk saya, si comel Cik Lily
    Make sure bagi duit berguni-guni
    Sure Cik Lily nanti happy

    Saya yang menjalankan tugas,
    lil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reply tak lepas. Kena either fully in English or BM. Manglish cannot meh. Disqualified, heheh!

      Delete
  9. my answer will always be.....

    december!! *pause* but dont know which year ah

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Syaza, bertabahlah! LOL! Eh btw someone else has just replied the very same thing on FB. I'm guessing it's a trend nowadays, eh? I should try that too sometime, heh heh! And as Hari Raya is moving further away from December, hopefully they would forget all about it soon enough. Until next raya, at least ;-)

      Delete
  10. ouch!...sebelum balik raya mmg dah kena prepare mental dgn soalan mcm ni.
    bila nak kawen?

    me : cuti sekolah nnt, in shaa Allah..nak buat lagu mana anak cikgu kan..cuti sekolah ja lah senang nak buat.

    kalau ditanya soalan lagi : ooo cuti sek hujung thn ni ka?

    me : haaaa,tahun ja belum tau lagi bila.

    tp my fren pernah buat, bila ditanya soalan ni, dia terus angkat tangan doa, Ya Allah permudahkanlah jodoh saya, Ameen. tgk2 makcik tu pun angkat tangan dan ameen skali. lepas tu terus x kena tanya.huhu

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heheh! Disember & cuti sekolah nanti mmg favourite answer. Rasanya org yg tanya pun mungkin dah tahutrick ni kot, tu yg terus kena tanya Disember tahun ni ke? ;-) Tapi your friend punya jawapan tu, pergh! Lawak antarabangsa tu...! Hahaha! Tapi lawak yg betul jugak... Hmm... maybe I should try that sometime... :-D

      Delete
  11. macam boleh buat lagu. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ye ke? Waaahh! *Tiba2 berangan dapat royalti* haha ;-)

      Delete
  12. Hahah, this was great! I mostly respond with "Whenever I want! Now when are you going to have a baby???"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even when it's the makcik2 who're asking you? Hehe

      Delete
  13. Ha ha ha... seriously. ...sgt suka itu poem.kelakar polite tapi ber"message :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terima kasih. Msg daripada org yg tgh stress waktu tu, haha! Sekarang tak stress dah ;)

      Delete
    2. Ha ha.abaikan. manusia x pnh stop ngn questioning.kkdg mmg myakitkn hati. All d best in ur life.kawin ke xkawin doesn't matter. Yg penting happy. Adela tu Allah takdirkan yg terbaik

      Delete
  14. Nice pantun Mr. Ramble & Wander. Acik nak tanya ni, "So when are you getting married?"...hahaha just joking yer...biasalah bila orang dah tak ada topic untuk dikatakan. Just like me...So why are you divorced?. Acik lebih suka siam dari bersuara........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haa! Betul tu! Bab2 peribadi ni, kadang2 diam tu lebih baik drp bersuara kan? Eh jap! "Lebih suka siam"? Hahaha! ;)

      Delete
  15. Oneday i will also ask u this question heheh 😊 nak kepohchi sket

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tanya boleh, jawabnya belum tentu, heh! ;)

      Delete
 
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